It's been a very long time since I came to the irrefutable conclusion that my former friend, Bridget, was behind the online harassment I experienced from 2001 through 2006. I also assume, given other information I have, that she's been harassing me since at least 1993. I've written about what happened, but I haven't written about how I feel about it. That is what I intend to write about here.
How I feel now is very different than how I felt when the harassment was an ongoing activity. Back in 2003, I wanted to see my harassers meet their deaths. I said this openly to some people I know. Back in 2003 and 2004, had I come face to face with my harassers, I would have had zero hesitation in putting them into their graves. I have never felt deeper pain than I felt when I was the subject of their harassment.
In the years since, I have changed greatly. I learned a great deal about myself and about humanity in general while being harassed. Much of what I learned was negative. I discovered that there were various aspects of my personality that provoked some people to hate me. I had to own these negative attributes in order to overcome them. Some people, I believe, had good reason to be angry at me. These people were not the primary harassers. For example, my ex-employer had no reason to harass me, yet they were one of the central parties to the harassment. In fact, they broke the law repeatedly on many levels in the conduct of their harassment. That these criminals are still funded by the U.S. Government is mind boggling. What I fault that individuals who had true reason to be angry at me is in having failed to bring to my attention that which I had done to offend them. Had I been approached, I would have repented for my bad actions and worked to redress those bad actions. The absence of this honesty shows that this small number of angry individuals were cowards. To have pretended to be my friend while stabbing me in the back is an offense greater than any I have committed against them.
Bridget, however, is uniquely evil amongst the harassers in that she turned out not only to be a stalker, but to be a betrayer, liar, impostor, and even a home wrecker. She had no justification to do the things she did. I gave her nothing but love and in return she did all she could to destroy my life, including multiple attempts to provoke my suicide.
Looking back on the time when we were friends, I can see that there were many indications that she is a sociopath. With a gleam in her eye she twice told me stories about how she had struck back at people who annoyed or insulted her. She seemed to relish that sense of revenge. Bridget was a very unforgiving person. She never took responsibility for her errors. She got easily annoyed in Mexico when she was referred to as a “Gringa.” When she showed up at my former employer's office back in 2002, I can see the joy in her eyes about the evil deed she was about to accomplish. Bridget is a truly evil person. I am better off without her in my life.
While there is comfort in knowing that this evil person and I parted ways, there is horror in knowing what I gave up for my former love of her. My ex-wife did not deserve what she went through when I met Bridget. My ex-wife was (and is) a person of quality and virtue far in excess of Bridget's. I lost a wonderful gift of love because of my love for this evil Bridget. I still feel sad about this, even through, in the long run, things turned out for the better for both my ex-wife and me. The lesson I have learned from this stays with me today and I live by it. What matters is wanting what you have. Giving up what you have for what you want is an error. Always improve what you have and never discard it.
Bridget is incapable of understanding how evil she is. She will never regret what she has done. If there is a punishment that God could mete out to her it would be to give her a conscience when she enters to the afterlife. Hell for this woman would be an eternal understanding of what she has done.
I am a lucky man. I have all the love I need. I know what it is to love and to be loved. I wouldn't trade places with Bridget. I seek no vengeance. I want only to remain forever apart from her.
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