With the war against terrorism underway, the rising tide of fascism has swept
our rights in to the gutter in the form of the Patriotic Act. At
times like these, a fascist needs some guidance. With this in mind, we
have compiled this guide to being a bootlicking fascist pig.
Rule 1) Protect yourself by proving your loyalty.
When fascism is sweeping the nation, the best method for blending in is to
make it clear that you are incapable of original thought. This is best
accomplished by parroting the remarks of your leaders. Only question the
press or media, publicly, when their position differs from that of your
leaders. When you do denounce the press or media, make sure that you
do so with patriotic indignation. Clearly, anyone who expresses a thought
that diverges from the approved range of thoughts is engaging in sedition.
It is also helpful if you display the American flag. Many others will
display the flag as well, so point out, clearly, that you are not a
"born-again" patriot. Remember, under fascism, oppression
spreads from the bottom up. Whatever layers you can create, through any
differentiation, are more layers to protect you from the rising tide of
oppression.
Rule 2) Do all you can to divide the population.
All fascists know that the fundamental division of society is "us and
them." Make sure that everyone knows that you are "one of
us." Of course, this distinction requires a "them."
"They", after all, must be the fodder that feeds the fascist
frenzy. The more distinctions you can make between "us" and
"them", the greater will grow the numbers of "them" from
which to feed.
One technique for promulgating this divide between the anointed and the
"soon to be dead" is through religion. Make sure that you call
for praying to the God of the "us" group. Demand frequent
references to this God. Point out, with resolve, that those who disagree
that this is about religion, are members of the "them" group.
Another technique, very useful at times of rising fascism, is to point to
national origin. Make it clear that no foreigners are in the
"us" group. More foreigners in the "them" group means
more time before the queue of "soon to be dead" is nipping at your
tail.
Rule 3) Turn people in.
For reasons beyond your grasp of understanding, despite your chest beating
demands for oppression of "them", some individuals will continue to
stand up for their own ideals. Some of these individuals will post to bulletin
board systems. Some will circulate emails. Others may write letters
to the editor or engage in protests. Be sure to forward whatever
identifying information you can find to the FBI. This will prove that you
are a loyal bootlicker and, once again, increase the number of individuals who
are "soon to be dead", thus increasing the time before you are next.
Rule 4) Send harassing letters or make harassing telephone calls to people of
the same race or religion as the current enemy.
Make it clear to these people that you are not one of them. This will
make you feel better. After all, your country has been attacked, you feel
depressed, and you want to make sure that others are more terrified than
yourself.
Rule 5) If you are a government official, do all you can to increase fear.
There are many creative methods for doing this. Use the word
"sleeper" frequently. After all, it is impossible for anyone to
prove that they will never do something. No one can defend his or her self
against this accusation. Encourage others to use this term as well.
Another technique is to announce frequent threats of imminent terrorist
attacks. If one occurs, send out conflicting information to confuse the
public. If a terrorist attack does not occur, then get creative.
Once the fear has reached a fevered pitch, pass laws that remove
Constitutional protections from your citizens. Discourage any serious
debate about these matters and put in a "sunset clause" to assuage
critics. You can always extend the law when it expires, that is, if you
still have a legislative process at that time.
Since passing a law requires two branches of government, the legislative and
the executive, make sure that the Supreme Court is too inconvenienced at the
time to weigh in. Of course, a better strategy is to stack the Supreme
Court with lackeys before the fascist transition occurs.
We hope this guide to being a bootlicking fascist pig has been helpful.
Feel free to circulate this informative message.
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