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| Bridget Under Cover |
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Slowly we learn that we are all broken, all less than perfect, and that God loves us, each one, wonderfully even so. Slowly we learn that the real love for one another we crave is not the ideal love of my personal facade for your facade, but the imperfect intent to love that my flawed self can offer to the real you.
- Lloyd Lee Wilson
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Hi,
I've missed you. As far as I can tell, you've been stalking me, at least online, for six years now. For a long time I've suspected you were involved in the harassment against my family and me, but I couldn't bring myself to believe it until I found irrefutable proof. I had a very high opinion of and respect for you, so this came as a shock. Moreover, you had no objectively true reason to do the things you did. I have never wronged you. If anything, you wronged me. I'm sorry if i am not socially skilled and that I was not brought up to be an uncaring brat, as you are. Perhaps your lack of empathy is a product of being a "California girl" as you refer to yourself. If so, the high value I place on friendship is due to being a "New Englander" (I now understand why so many of my fellow New Englanders are unimpressed with California).
In trying to understand what you have done and have been doing, only three explanations make any sense. You must either be mentally ill, truly evil, or living under a false and delusional understanding of the past. Specifically, you must believe I lied to you and that I stalked you. I did neither.
You and I are from different backgrounds. I grew up in a place where people do not discard friends like trash. It was beyond my cultural understanding that someone could refuse to resolve differences with a close friend. I sought only closure and you denied me that. I let go of my hope for reconciliation, bit by bit, over a two year period. By September of 1994, I had given up on you entirely and forever.
You, however, by not permitting closure, had no communication channel with me. Through your own choice, you were ignorant of the fact that I had given up on you. You let your imagination go wild and, over time, invented a non-existent enemy. Under your false online identity, you referred to our relationship as that of "mortal enemies." I never thought of you as an enemy. I only wished the best for you. In 1994, when I was in El Salvador, someone from Boston who had known you asked me about you. I told him that we had been friends and that errors on my part led to the end of that friendship, but that I had the highest respect and admiration for you and that if he ever were to come across you, to tell you that. Do those sound like the words of your "mortal enemy?" In 1992, I determined where your parents lived in Redondo Beach. I considered attempting to contact you through them, but decided that doing so would be a breach of your privacy and an example of interfering in your life. I decided not to contact you in that way and never have attempted to do so. Does that sound like someone that did not get over you?
You, on the other hand, spent the years attempting to destroy my life. I had no knowledge of this until recently. I did come to realize in 2002 that someone was trying to destroy my life, only I did not know it was you. You violated my privacy. You interfered with my employment. You libeled my wife and my daughter and me as well. I could list a hundred things you've done, all of which display gross moral turpitude. Some may even be illegal (and I believe they were illegal).
I've been faced with the question of what to do about this, now that I know it is you. I've made a decision on this matter. This decision is my decision regarding what I will do about what you have done to me. What my wife choses to do about what you have done to her is her decision. If she ever decides to take legal action against you, I will support her because that is my role in life. The same goes for my daughter, who in eight years can make that decision on her own.
Nevertheless, I've thought about the good in you and the bad in you. I must say that from what I have now learned, the bad in you much outweighs the good. That said, I know that deep inside of you, in the darkness, there is good, no matter how small it may be, and I love that good within you. My love for the good in you, as small and unendowed as that good is, outweighs my hatred for the bad in you, despite the enormity of that bad. As I once said to you, "you cannot have a light without a dark to stick it in." And so it is with all of humanity. We are all defective and broken in some way. Indeed, that is what makes each one of us unique and special.
I gave you my love in 1992 and I gave it unconditionally. I have never taken it back. I refuse to ever take it back. I have enough love in my life that I do not need yours. I have enough love in my heart that I can afford to give you my love and receive nothing in return. As a consequence of this love, I forgive you for all you have done. I do not absolve you in a legal sense, though I have decided to take no action unless further compelled to. I do absolve you in the way that a friend can absolve a friend for her injustices. I reaffirm that I love you and offer this letter as my gift of closure to you, despite the fact you have never offered the same to me.
I wish you the best in your life. I neither open nor shut the door to you. I care about you, but I don't like you. I merely move onward with my life, as I have done since 1994. I pray that God forgives you as I have forgiven you.
Love, Steve DeVoy
P.S.
Interesting photos you sent into the Baltimore Sun; the kind of photos I would expect a suck-up to authority to take. More interesting is that you sent them to the Baltimore Sun. Oh, I forgot, you live in Maryland now (which isn't surprising). Perhaps I will post the photos I took of Katrina. I even took a video of what it was like in the eye of Katrina.
I'm curious, is this another of your posts? You do seem to really, really want me to kill myself. Is there a payoff for you?
More to the point, you've confirmed for me all of the negative things I've ever believed about law enforcement and intelligence personnel. Your lesson in how corrupt those of your ilk are has now been learned by dozens of people who are my family and friends.
I do not believe you should have access to the information you have. I am contemplating what I should do about that fact.
Finally, you once said to me, using your cowardly false online identity (and I do believe no one is a greater coward than you are), that you believe in God. Bridget, you may believe in God but I do not believe that God believes in you.
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