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My
understanding of women has changed with every year of my life. It has
been a continually morphing understanding and I believe it proves
that though my understanding will improve continuously, it will never
be complete. I propose that this is not a problem unique to myself,
but a universal problem routed in the distinction between knowledge
of fact and knowledge of being. I spent years of my life studying
philosophy of mind. Within that field there is debate about the
significance of embodiment: that is whether functionality alone
defines the mind or whether the mind, in part, is defined by its
embodiment? Specifically, what role does embodiment play in what it
is to be an individual mind or an instance of a class of minds.
Philosophers
of mind, amongst other things, examine this question. One thought
experiment involves the question of interspecies communication. For
example, if bats could talk (for example, if they could speak
English), would we be able to communicate with them? If you believe,
as I do, that mind forms in response to its input and you consider
that bats have a very different mechanism for perceiving the world
(i.e. sonar), then it would follow that the concept space of the bat
mind includes what it is like to perceive the world through sonar.
Can a human know, with any accuracy, what it is to BE something that
perceives the world through sonar? Can a person who has been blind
since birth every really know what is meant by "red?" Can a
man every really understand what it is to be a woman and can a woman
ever really understand what it is to be a man?
While
the last question implies symmetry (i.e. men and women are equal in
their ignorance of each other), the effect is not symmetrical. Men,
on the average, are bigger and physically stronger than woman. Men,
on the average, are more physically aggressive than women. Thus, if
any injustice occurs due to the lack of understanding between sexes,
one would expect women to suffer more than men do.
Even
if a man does not intentionally abuse a woman, the lack of
understanding and the asymmetry in physical power may still abuse
her. And even if a man does not abuse a woman, she is acutely aware
of the potential and the fear of that potential can do her harm.
Thus, women are hurt by their relationship to men. The more ignorant
the man with regard to understanding women, the more damage he will
do.
If
I could point to the most important turning point in my own
understanding of women, it would not be the first date, the first
kiss, the first time making love or the first time marrying. None of
these things really brought a strong understanding of women. The most
profound event of my life, the one that forms the turning point of my
understanding of women, was the birth of my daughter. There are three
aspects to this: (1) the pain and suffering of my wife, (2) being
privileged to observe the development of my daughter through the eyes
of a father, and (3) the absolute and selfless love a father has for
his daughter.
It
seems then that the cycle of human development is guaranteed to
generate men who do not properly care for women until they have a
daughter. Even then, some may fail to ever achieve sufficient
understanding. However, for those of us that do come to understand,
at least as well as a man can understand, this guarantees a
reflection upon the past where one looks back and sees just how
stupid one has been. For every woman is someone's daughter and until
you have been the father of a daughter you cannot understand what it
is to be the father of a daughter. In this sense, a daughter is the
greatest gift a man could receive, for she not only gives him the
opportunity to learn, but she gives him the opportunity to understand
his own past and how his lack of understanding caused him to err.
I
believe there is no greater love than that between a father and a
daughter. It is a love that is in every regard unique and distinct
from all other kinds of love. Until I had a daughter, I did not
really understand how strong love could be. That love extends beyond
my daughter. To whatever extent I loved my wife before the birth of
my daughter, that love has been augmented by the profound
significance that it is she who brought my daughter into this world.
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