WASHINGTON, D.C. In response to threats by America's
major electric power companies, Samuel Wright Bodman, Secretary of
Energy, has demanded 800 billion dollars from the U.S. Treasury to be
used as he sees fit or he will turn the lights out on the United
States of America. "Look, if you don't pay up," he warned,
"things are going to get very dim, very dim indeed."
The U.S. Senate and House pulled
together a special session to review the demand which quickly
devolved into a discussion of how best to take advantage of the
unusual request. Excited U.S. Senators and Representatives feign
concern and postured as they mulled over options that would increase
their chances of being reelected. Absent was any discussion on the
obvious and less expensive option of just saying "No!" to
Secretary Bodman's extortion.
No where could the panic be felt more
than in the U.S. Media which feared losing its ability to transmit.
Fox News responded by parading a circus of hand-picked mafioso types
skilled in painting vivid scenarios of what would happen if Bodman
wasn't paid and paid fast.
On the political front, presidential
candidate John McCain suspended his campaign indefinitely and called
upon his opponent, Barack Obama, to do the same and join him in
paying homage to the energy god in the hope that bending over and
displaying his butt would take eyes off the polls in which his
support was plummeting. President Bush called upon both candidates to
meet him in Washington for a private discussion on the matter. Word
has not yet come out on whether McCain's suspension of the
presidential campaign conjoined with Bush's closed-door meeting with
both candidates during the manufactured crisis is in any way related
to the deployment of U.S.
Troops on American streets planned for October 1, just a month
before the election.
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