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Tanya and her daddy where
sharing a lane. It was open swim night and all the lanes were full.
Tanya took one side of the lane and her daddy took the other side.
Tanya's dad was an avid swimmer. He'd be swimming laps for at least
an hour. Tanya preferred to play. The two had made a deal. After
daddy finished swimming, he'd play with Tanya for fifteen minutes.
An hour is a long time
for a young girl of 10. Tanya liked to race her father now and then,
but that made her very tired, so she'd play for streches inbetween.
A Vietnamese family entered the pool area. The father, seeing that
all of the lanes were full, was distressed. He didn't know what to
do.
The club had rules and
there was a rule about what to do in a case like this. If you wanted
to use a lane and someone was swimming laps in that lane, you had to
ask the person for permission to share the lane. The Vietnamese
father had not read the rules. He might not have even known whether
or not there were rules. Whatever the case, one thing was sure, he
didn't know what to do. His two daughters were itching to swim.
The Vietnamese father
decided to use the lane that Tanya and her father were using.
Descending, as he did, with his two daughters into the lane without
asking was rude by Western standards. Tanya was indignant. The
three had invaded her side of the lane. "They didn't even ask!"
she thought.
When Tanya's father swam
towards the end of the lane where Tanya stood, Tanya stopped her
father. "They took my lane," she said with a confused tone
to her voice. "What should we do?"
"For now, though it
may seem strange to you, let them be," said Tanya's dad. "I
will explain to you later." Her dad continued swimming.
After about 15 minutes,
another lane opened up and Tanya asked her father to change lanes.
The two swam together to the empty lane. When they arrived, Tanya's
dad said, "If they were Americans, I would have been very upset
because what they did is rude. But I know the Vietnamese well..."
"How do you know the
Vietnamese well?" Tanya interrupted.
"I'll tell you in
the car," her dad answered. "It's a long story, but let me
assure you that I know Vietnamese culture as well as I know your
mother's culture."
"You know everything
daddy," said Tanya.
Tanya's dad answered,
"No, I don't know everything, but I do know Vietnamese culture.
The reason I did not want to confront him is this. The Vietnamese
have a very sensitive notion of honor. This father is with his two
daughters. They look up to him. If I were to confront him, he might
feel that he was losing face..."
"Losing face?"
laughed Tanya. "How can someone lose his face?"
"It's a concept that
is common in Eastern culture, Tanya," her dad said. "To
lose face is to feel embarassed and dishonored. If you lose your
face, you feel ashamed to show your face. That is the concept. It
is a very important concept to them and much less important to us."
Tanya thought for a
moment and said, "I see."
"Besides," said
her dad, "he may have been complementing us by wishing to share
the lane with us. Maybe he wanted you to play with his daughters.
You could have played with them, you know?"
"I was too upset
about them coming and taking our space without asking," Tanya
said with a sorry voice. "I didn't think that what they did was
friendly, but now that you've explained it to me, I think you might
be right. I guess it's important to think before acting when the
other person has a different culture?"
"Yes, it is Tanya,"
remarked her dad. "Maybe next time, if you see them again, you
will play with them."
Tanya's dad continued
swimming his laps. Tanya thought about what had happened and glanced
over at the girls. She felt sorry for ignoring them. She dove under
the water and continued playing. "Next time I will play with
them," she thought.
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